Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
