i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
