my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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