when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
