He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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