i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
