you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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