You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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