Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We need to feng shui this bitch.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
