Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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