he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
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Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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