Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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