The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
