the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He felt like a one man threesome
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
