he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
