I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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