she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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