His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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