pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
