She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize
