I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Watching her eat just hurts me
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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