yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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