don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
