I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
