yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
