I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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