Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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