Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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