The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
