then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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