How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Randomize
