You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
