oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
