yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Vodka?
Forever.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
