Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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