Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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