great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
