The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize