why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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