tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Randomize
