Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
