how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
