I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Boobs speak an international language.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
sex in a hospital.. check
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
