Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
