i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
