that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
