It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
