don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
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she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
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Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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