I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
