hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
