Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
