Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
