Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I can't put those talents on a resume
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
