first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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