I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
