when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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