....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
