She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
