i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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