the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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