help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
