haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
