We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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