There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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