Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
