guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
