Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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