I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
