After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
