Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize