sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize