Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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