I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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