please come you make the beer taste better
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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