everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
