I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize