Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
