hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Two words: nipple clamps
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